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Random Thoughts At Midnight

The following is a collection of observations, deep depression ramblings and other things from the depths of my mind at the wee hours of the night.

This was the first of my "dark writings" it is sporadic and probably only makes sense to me:

If murder were like suicide
Wouldn't you agree
Is it any better for you
Or me...
...Terrorist in an airport
Uzi running wild
Proves he's a man
By killing a child...
And who will cry in the dark
For the man in the iron mask...

This one was next. I was having a lot of problems at the time about who/what I wanted in life and since I was abusing alcohol at the time...

She will be there if I go
My witch and desire
She will be there for me
Against me
Hurt without reason
Hope without cause
Speech is useless
Desire gone mad
Fleeting moments of want
Endless days of rage
Notice my Ego
Ignore my intent
Find my Soul
On a dark flight.

I had a drunken dream one night about some really weird stuff so I wrote this. Although it is about a girl, a friend once read into it that it was about alcohol.

She is there
I bathe her in my sin
She cannot resist my power
She drinks from my vein
The love/hate that pours forth
She beckons my Soul
With eyes of Lust
She feeds my desire
The cup holds the blood of my slaves
They gave willingly
She drinks insatiably
He enters and is deceived
The truth is there
But he does not see
Blood on the floor
I pour
My Soul cries for the torture that is
Her love
What remnant of spirit
Would I give to hold
What I cannot
To be who I am not
To have what I should not
She is my Witch
She is my Love
Love is pain
See the wounded child

Pretty strange so far huh?
This one I am most proud of. It exemplifies the fact that I am screwed up and know it! It's called
The Mirror Crack'd

There's a man I see
Laughing at me
Like someone told a joke

He ruins my life
Sleeps with my wife
I wish like Hell he'd choke

I curl up a fist
I'm really pissed
His eyes I'll leave all blacked

With a deadly blow
I strike my foe
And then the mirror cracked

Thought you might like that one!
Here's another from the dark files...

There is no love
No word can hold my heart
Who can possess my mind
The one who cuts me
The one who binds me
She cannot love me
It is forbidden
But what price?
How can reality be so blurred
How can I retreat
When life passes quickly
Into the abyss
And who the fuck
Has the right to say
When after it's done
The sweat and lust remains
While the intent and purpose fold
She is Hell
She is Sex
She is Blood
She is Desire
She has no meaning to me
To her I am dead
To me She has passed the frontier
What have I wrought
With my hands of fire
How can I be pure
When the blackness consumes
What I was
What I am
What I will be
I am beyond
I am the memory
I am death
I cannot live

Like I said most all of Random Thoughts At Midnight are from the darker side of myself back when I had more problems than I needed. No one needs to worry about me doing myself in. At the time writing was the cure. Take all of the emotion and put it on paper. Then the emotion is, for me, gone.

17 December
The sky outside is gloomy
And reflects my inner self
Cold Grey skies, Cold dead eyes
Snow in my brain, Soul acid rain
The mood today is sadness
And mirrors my other self
God denies, Children cries
Hate in my heart, Tears me apart
My soul is dark and empty
No inner peace left for me
All the lies, Black alibis
Short is my breath, Come take me Death
Peace evades me, Chaos invades me
A stranger with my face
Has taken my place
Lapse into despair
I no longer care
Peace denied, Have I tried
Does it matter anyway

Not sure what to call this one, just more random thoughts.

Wasted years, Childhood fears
Dirty sneers, Bitter tears
Run with shears, Mother hears
Death nears, Too many beers
Violent cheers, Tight little rears
New York steers, Texas queers
Grinding gears, Little dears
Snide jeers, Perverted leers
Child veers, Love sears

Sometimes thoughts are short

To gain the World and lose
My soul
Is not in my intent
But when I view my life up close
How can I not resent
The useless energy spent


Today I remember how lost
I feel when you aren't here

Then there are writings that would make good songs.

Feel my breath on your skin
Open your mind let me in
Feel the mood of ecstacy
Take another piece of me
Raise my eyes See your face
I fall from grace

Trapped in Hell loving you
My soul slowly expires
The trigger pulled the hammer falls
Straight jacket truth Padded walls
Travel through time and space
I fall from grace

Soldiers dying in the field
No tears for fallen foes
The truth be known you're all alone
Now who's the fucking clone
Drop my head in sad disgrace
I fall from grace

A lot of the writing was from a time in my life when I was going through a lot. More than I realize I guess because a friend of mine was concerned that I might do myself in. For me it was just another two weeks of my life.

Sometimes there's no way out
Sometimes there's a shadow of doubt
Sometimes there is no appeal
Some wounds never heal

Some days there's just the rain
Some days just never ending pain
Some days there is no deal
Some wounds never heal

Somehow there's always hope
Somehow there's another straw to grope
Somehow there is no appeal
Some wounds never heal

Some ways there is no love
Some ways there's always someone to shove
Some ways there is no deal
Some wounds never heal

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